but then again, and not to sound like the stereotypical bipolar person, let's see what happens when i have my next hypermania or severe depression episode and i drastically change my mind about this stuff but if i'm being really individualistic here for a moment, this politics of secrecy wrt myself and relying purely on my own to do my work is something that resonates with me. of course this refers back to the bigger institutional problem of academia being structurally unwelcoming & hostile to mental health issues etc etc which is abysmal and needs to be fixed immediately (and not every advisor is like cirurgically efficient as mine). but this is something i think he would understand, in such circumstances. i have a medical condition that is preventing me from working rn". but if things go south in my head again i would like to be able to just tell him "hey. i do have something wrong with my brain that hinders me sometimes and i'll have it my whole life, but i've been able to deal with on my own & do my work, and i don't want to be seen as someone from whom you should expect less (on the contrary, tbh). but tbh i'm really ambivalent about it bc like. My research advisor is amazing and he's been constantly putting me on the right track (which actually feels right to me) and giving me the shakedowns i need, but an ex-advisse told me (and he himself let us know, to some extent) that he's not really into talking about 'personal problems' and such, which is very different from my previous advisor, who's really open irt mental health stuff & emotional distress and so on.
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January 2023
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